Why I Struggle With Veganism Sometimes

I love plant-based food. It tastes delicious and is really good for your body. I needed some time to adjust and to learn what I could cook, which nutrients are in which vegetable and how much I need of them. I never went vegan just because I love animals too much to eat them. I realized that I do love myself more than the animals we’re eating, and my own wellbeing is more important to my immediate self than me trying to save the planet. I’m not saying that either animals nor the environment mean something to me, I just say that first of all my way of eating is about me. Me changing my diet is for me, my health physically and mentally. And should there be other positive effects on somebody or something because of me not eating animal products, I’m happy with that as well.

I’m not one of those vegans nobody can stand because they try to shove their veganism down everybody’s throats and try to convince everybody else around them that their way of eating is unhealthy, dangerous, animal abusing and destroying our planet. Well, that seems like an awesome conversation while meeting for a coffee, right? No. Nobody needs to hear that. And nobody wants to. Everybody has to make this decision for themselves. You have to decide for yourself. And whatever that decision is, it is yours only. It is really important to be tolerant even if you have a different opinion. Yes, it is the healthier way to eat, but leave people alone if they made a decision that is different from your point of view, it is still their lives. You wouldn’t like it either if somebody else would constantly talk shit about what you are eating, right? Just a quick reminder that I wanted to mention because I feel both sides are sometimes more judgmental than understanding. What do you care how others live their lives? Stop talking shit to people because they eat animal products. Stop talking shit about vegans because they eat in a way you don’t understand. We are all different. And that is a good thing.

I for myself do sometimes struggle with sticking to my plant-based diet. It’s not me not wanting it enough or anything like that. My biggest problem is actually not really a problem. I just love to eat. It makes me happy and it is delicious and heart warming. When I’m not eating I’m probably thinking about food. That is how much I love food. And I love sweet things. I was really surprised when I realized that I’m okay with not having chocolate every evening because that was at first my biggest concern actually. And the first two weeks were hard af and I have no idea why my boyfriend didn’t leave me to be honest. You don’t want to be around me when I’m in need of chocolate. Even I don’t want to be around me when I’m in that mood. Further I thought I couldn’t live without cheese and now I notice that I don’t even miss it. Of course I do love a cheesy pizza and would eat every single crumb of it if it’s in front of me, but I don’t feel the urge to order pizza once or twice a week anymore. Yes that was actually happening. Don’t judge me, as if you’ve never done that. It escalates quickly with cheese. We’ve all been there.

And I love sushi. But it’s not really love, it’s more an obsession. Raw tuna makes me feel some kind of way. And don’t tell me there are vegan sushi options, I know that. But it is the raw tuna that I want and need and crave. What can I say… Mind is strong but my body is so weak when it comes to sushi. When I see Poké Bowls somewhere I need to have one. With raw tuna. Of course. I never considered myself a sushi-person before but for the last 3 to 4 months now I’ve been eating sushi at least once a week. Sushi became my pizza you could say. I would eat it everyday if it wasn’t that expensive to be honest. My other weak points are definitely cream cheese and Russian food. Everytime I visit my parents or grandparents there is delicious Russian comfort food and I cannot and will not say no to that. Ever.

The reason I write this is because I used to be kind of angry with myself when I couldn’t stick to being vegan. I felt like not being strong enough and used to beat myself up for that. But why? Of course I wanted to eat plant-based and did so most of the time. So why be so mean to yourself just because of the cream cheese on your bagel? It took some time for me to accept the fact that it may be not as easy as I hoped for and that veganism isn’t something I can do overnight and feel happy with it. Veganism is a journey and we have to find our way to our intended destination. The most important thing for me is to never loose the pleasure in eating. If eating feels like something you must do but you don’t enjoy it and have to force yourself to eat, it can quickly become a mental problem that can show itself in eating disorders. Eat because you enjoy it, eat because it’s delicious. Never loose the joy for good delicious and healthy food. Don’t compare yourself to others. It won’t help you or others. It will only make you question yourself again. And because food is something beautiful and important and I enjoy eating and the whole process behind it I will never beat myself up again just because I’m not 100% vegan. And as long as you’re happy, you shouldn’t either.

With that being said…

Peace out xo


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25 years old and living near Hamburg with my beloved man, our two cats and our dog. And I am goint to take you on a journey with me through my life on a way to a better self. So stay tuned.

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